It has been brought to my attention that we are suffering a shortage of some members to our snowboarding club. This has been a problem for sometime and every effort we have made to alleviate this, our short comings have gone un-noticed. Due to climatic change and the draw of a larger landscape many members have been what can only be described as missing in action, it started at the beginning of November 2003, within only a couple of weeks our numbers had been dramatically cut. Assuming the worst we tried to come to terms with the loss, some of us held wake's, prayed and even put up posters hoping for some news about the safe return of our fallen comrades. We have heard rumours of small settlements in america, austria and canada, but nothing concrete.
And so, as we draw nearer to the summer months, rumours of a thaw, and the attraction of beaches with hot bikini clad babes splashing in the surf we will continue our search for our friends ever hoping to catch one at play and strap them down so they will never run away again.
This is Andrew "The Sherminator" Mills reporting live from Mikes bedroom for Yellowsnow2004.
M.I.A
Mr Matthew Walder Mr Gareth Edwards Mr & Mrs Simon Joyce Mr Mike Rhodes Miss Kate Leggatt Dr Manfat Mr Toby Andrew Mr Jon Weaver Mr Nick "3balls" Baines
i have a report on mike and others from telluride. there have been some close calls, a few skirmishes, fire fights and quick and lively contacts with NVA. during this unsettled violant spell there has only been one injury. mike was not KIA or MIA but IIA (injured in action). he sustained ripped ligaments in his right ankle in a comp last week (he got 6th though). he said, and i quote, 'it was worth it as i was doing a bs 900 which was corked out'. apart from that everything is a ok. roxy took some friendly fire and sustained an injury to his mullet which turned out to be quite servere thus led to his mullet being amputated. he is recovering on some well earned R&R.
yours
commander of the gurrilla led 'freedom fighters of a free mullet and marrmot education caffiteria wheel chair, smelly trouser snake biting bison pants down tits up army'
by the way the new serise of south park has started. sick sick sick. all you need to know is that cartman enters the para olympics and pretends to be a retard.!
Me and private edwards have been cooped up in a hellhole just east of calgary, the sun is scorching and the precious snow which gives our white camo meaning has been melting away, making us sitting ducks for all the bears, elks and cougars roaming this desolete place... However as I speak, the weather gods have been kind and are currently blanketing the area, making it easier for us to hide. Have completed many reconnaisance missions and have many 'top secret' photo's that you may find interesting, this has been helped in part by rendevoooooing with agents 'Mr. & Mrs. Joyce' and gaining strategic positions east of Banff, in Lake Louise. My cover occupation (Rental Shop) finishes on 12 April, from then I have to parachute back into Vancouver, where I will recieve my next brief, and from then, who knows where?
I will be back at the mothership in time for 5 May and any shindigs that may be happening.... Keep me posted
Put the kettle on, smoke me a kipper and I'll see ya'll very soon
Yo yo all lost worriors of the ancient tribe of yellowsnow including all the late and great members of FNSC.
I have nearly finished the first stage of my secret invasion of the west coast, checking out what secret weopens are being stashed where and what top secret plans are being made. Myself and my close commerades have managed to locate some rails of mass destruction, some of the rainbow variety ( short and sharp and long and mellow). there is a mass abundance of kinked ****e everywhere and i even located a bearmed, banked S rail (if you can take a moment to pictutre that, its tight as hell and just the thickness of the great late sherms Schlong).
As mentioned previously, we shall be beaming back some vital imagery and video footage when one Wing Commander MJ returns to the mother ship shortly. I however have taken it upon myself to extend my mission and going in search of something very special.
Ever since arriving, we have heard whispers of a great thing happening in the southern reigons of Vancouver. Something that i believe with the right determination, supplies and undercover costumes i can manage to document. My new mission shall be refered to as codename:poontang. There has been a mass outbreak of hot enemys in the spoken area and i intend to infiltrate their liar in order to ease the tension in troubled spots. After researching previous attemts at getting in this position, the statistics of wounded and emotionally scard is shocking but this is a risk i am willing to take in order to get the result for team yellowsnow that is required.
I think they may be on to me for now so i will communicate with the mother ship when it is safe from the prying eyes of this so called "poontang"
Although I am still await news of the Joyce expedition, last I heard it was cliff drops and mention of a summer lake when the white blanket has become to slight to camoflage there often explicit operations. My thoughts are with them and their families.
I am awarding a medal to Corporal Rhodes for his BS9 (apparently a little corked), his continued reliable information and intelligence sent back over the last rew months has proved invaluable to our efforts. His dedication to the cause and loyalty are a shining example to any new recruit.
Also Private Walder and Private Andrews for their top secret photography, the tight spots these men will squeeze themselves into are unbelivable, just for some top secret information. Good work soldiers I look forward to viewing your images and plans for further investigation of the more northern and eastern territories.
Commendations will also be presented to:
Private Baines (Old 3 Balls)
Private Leggatt (for her lovely privates)
And Corporal Weaver for taking his ramshakled platoon of hardened footsoldiers into the unknown, and dispite heavy resistance from local guerillas setting up a good solid base for more missions into the eastern block.
We must also pay homage to Private Roxy. This is a soldier who was right on the front line, a leader at the forefront of the american invasion. This man put his life and mullet on the line to fight for what he believes was right! Unfortuately the mullet bought it. Our hearts go out to the friends and family of the mullet, but especially Private Roxy for his loss. R.I.P
And finally our hearts and souls go out to our soldiers beginning a new mission in the northern regions, we wish them good luck and god speed. We look forward to hearing the success of the newly named "poontang" mission and any other experditions in the unknown.
Well i guess all my efforts for the team and country have gone unnoticed. I bend over backwards to fulfil all briefs and even use initiative to come up with my own plan.............well F_U_C_K you agent SHERM...I don't need the platoon anymore, i can fight my own war.
Reports are coming in of a local uprising in the southampton area, the enemy forces of sobriety and an honest days work are fast approaching our headquarters. This is not a drill, this is a real emergency soldiers and we need reinforcements fast. I don't know how long we can last on our own.
Private Benjamin (Lloyd, not Goldie Hawn fron that **** film) has come up with a plan to keep us a float for a little while longer but we will need a steady supply of footsoldiers to continue our operations. This mission although previously deemed top secret is now ready to be revealled. Ben has discovered a weapon so powerful it could just support us through these struggles and onto our next year as students. It's called a "barbeque", apparently this coupled with some "garden furniture" that we have already aquired will help us to defeat the evils of sobriety.
But this does not mean we can fight this alone, so as of now I am issuing an almost total retreat to regroup and plan our future attacks.
Left to man valuble outpost will be:
In Canada, Private Siy and Lucy, as well as Private G (we have not forgotten you soldier)
From America, Lance Corporal Rhodes and Private Leggatt (we love her privates) will be deployed to europe after a brief reconnaisance mission to "The Windy City" (Top Secret)
Agent Weaver, you are also due to infiltrate some more enemy terratories, we are yet to confirm your destination soldier but we'll keep you posted.
Therefore Privates Tom, Roxy, Baines, Andrews, Walder and Paull you are all recalled to regroup at headquarters asap.
I have to go, I am hearing reports of a breach on our northern border, I have to go.
This is the Commader in Chief signing off, peace owt mothers.
__________________
CODE NAME: Cumofsum Youngman AKA:- Special Agent J
Worryingly, reports have been received that special agent Joyce and Mrs joyce's privates have gone native. Special Agent Joyce was reported be be buried deep in the bush....... of Mrs Joyce's privates and rumors were heard that he had been brain washed or even killed. Contrary to many beliefs he is not missing in action nor has he been turned to the dark side, but has been operating deep undercover, infiltrating the enemy and penetrating hard from behind.
There have even been rumors of a coalition between Special Agent Joyce and Agent Gesus, when they were spotted taking each other up back door, where the Sun does shine (thats for yall in the bow valley and any other local of Sunshine Vilage who knows the pure delight of hiking the back door).
Mrs Joyce's privates have become increasingly worried with Apecial Agent Joyce's behaviour as the shooting season draws to a close, and has banned him from taking his weapon and his board to bed with him. Special Agent joyce has however reportedly seured a stratigic position on the banks of a competative wake boarding lake for the coming months where he will endeavour and continue to take one for the team i persuit of the eternal winter and adrenaline fuelled, achol binging existence that we have all become accustomed to.
I wish him God speed in his quest to fullfill himself before November whence he will be able break cover and return to the warmth of his fellow comrades.
Lastly he sends you all this message. - - - "i love you all very much and will be with you allways in spirit but as many of you know probably not in mind. Commander Sherm, i have always tried to follow your moral stance in life, Love and our eternal battle and love you for the guidance you have given me. I look forward to my return and the happy times of debauchery that lie ahead of us together, and lastly boys and girls........ Boat Drinks!!!!!!"
Unfortunately that is all i can disclose of Special Agent Joyce and Mrs Joyce's Privates without giving away his position but i leave you all safe in the knowlege that he is well and still fighting the cause,
I have now been given new information, from my Vancouver post, that the enemy based in this western canada region known as poontang have a large garisson holed up in the resort known as whistler... Intelligence tells me that their are people to see ( and photograph), places to go, and people to do ( and photograph!) My mission will be a detour for four or five days but in the name of queen and country, i'll risk life and limb to pit myself against the dang poontang warriors... if you dont hear from me in five days, asume the worst...... and i'll report back asap.... "We will fight them in the hills, we will fight them in their valleys, we will fight them till they scream".... I think my man Winston Churchill said that... anyway
godspeed, and for those about to rock... I salute you
This is an urgent posting to agent walder. I have managed to infiltrate the unimpenitrable island and am residing in the southern tip at the moment. I have a few mission briefs to fulfil but am sure that calling for backup is the best option. If you are able to help me on this then send me word via cable and some form of electrical mailing.
I have contacted you in greater detail via the secret form of electronic messaging...
It seems that the authorities have been on to me for some time...
I am now being held captive in this land...
I think i'm the first P.O.W in this deadly game of cat and mouse against the poontang warriors... I hope to escape before the end of May but if I don't... I'm thinking of you all... drink a toast to me at the summer ball, I must go now... the visiting hours are over.
If there are any yellowsnow footsoldiers in the vacinity of agent walder you are ordered to immediately go to his aid. This is a now a full retreat of the island, I repeat, return to base immediately.
This "Operation Poontang" was a dangerous mission, thought up by the toughest of the tough, the men in the field. Living on a knife edge, they don't know if they'll be alive when the wake up, if they wake up, and who they'll be next to! Only the crazy could survive in this environment.
If only the keepers of the poontang would let down there guard then it would be easy to penetrate they intricate secret tunnel system. I recommend using a substance called alcohol, this will relax the keeper of the poontang and make it easier to make a break through. But beware of the easily led poontang, you may be offered an easy access through the back door of the poontang system, this style of entry is frought with danger and can get messy so take care, although ultimately it can be agreeable. Also a reach around can be useful in this situation, be careful not to get pinned down and probed, there maybe bogeys around.
I have heard word from Private Roxy, he has been on some insane missions on the "west" coast. Often braking cover and venturing into new territories, it has been reported that he was visiting a place called "San Fransisco", apparently this is a well know haunt of enemy agents and often double agents! Lets hope he has not been turned to the darkside.
To all footsoldiers back on home turf I thank god for your safe return and ask of him to watch over all still left in foreign territories.
I have managed to escape and find my way (great escape style) in the back of a Van destined for Vancouver, from where I have secured a lift back to good old blighty by using all my skill, cunning and charm. Although Poontang was (almost) a shutdown in Whistler, and I was imprisoned against my will, I have learnt a valuable lesson when dealing with these poon agents... I will debrief fully you on my return to base camp... It's still not safe to divulge the information via electronic means... I will give you a face to face report (including pictures) on 07/05/04 at 15:00
For those still in the field.... Take care, poontang can be ruthless, using substances called "beer" and "summer clothing" aka low-cut tops, skirts, bikini's, to ensnare the unsuspecting yellowsnow agent.
